Tuesday, March 6, 2012

My beautiful Mother and avoidance...

This was my beautiful Mother. The tiny black-haired beauty... She was born Cornelia vanderBrugge in 1926. The cute little blond next to her was her sister, Magdalena... You may be wondering why the subject is my Mom and avoidance...But I have been avoiding you because of her...You see, my sweet Mama passed away on February 11th...and I want to write a tribute to her, just the right thing, just the right words...and have several pictures of her, my favorites...But I feel inadequate to express her worth, her value to me, her beautiful life...I have things to say to you, things to show you...But until I can accomplish what I want to, they seem so petty...
She was sick a very long time...with Alzheimer's...I have written about her before and who she was to me and about her dreaded disease...She slipped away as the years went by, more and more, until all that was left of her was her body...laying in a hospital bed, day in, day out...But I still loved her and needed her and as strange as it sounds, there was still comfort that her body remained...I don't mean that in a cruel way...I wanted her to be whole again...she knew where she was going and I knew where she was going and that I would see her again when my time came... I prayed for the Lord to take her home so that she would be healed...forever...I just didn't realize that I wasn't ready, not really ready to let her go...several people have told me that you never are ready...as much as you think you are prepared, as sick as they may be...to know that on this earth you will never see their precious face again...it makes it so hard to let go...But then there comes that time, that is their time to go...and you don't have a choice...
So for today, I don't have the perfect words, the right tribute... I just have...I love you Mama, I love you still so much...and you were the best Mother to me...an incredible example...a beautiful, beautiful life...lived for the Lord...lived for others...so giving, so kind...I will miss you on this earth until I take my last breath...I thank you for everything you were, to me and others...for everything you gave...my precious, precious Mother...I would not be who i am if it had not been for you...
Good bye sweet, beautiful Connie Jane vanderBrugge Vandenberg ...
10-21-1926 to 2-11-2012...What a beautiful life, inside and out...
I sang "Fly to Jesus" to her many times...and she did.
Your loving daughter,
Marianne